While we have a nursery finished, a name picked out, and the paper cut scars to always remember the joys of paperchasing, I have somehow (unbeknownst to me) compartmentalized this adoption in my head. I am 100% fine about 99% of the time. It's that 1% that seems to be growing and taking on more importance in my life. I have more work than I can handle, but I still find myself spending hours on the Internet reading RQ and other sites. Charlie and I spent a lot of time when we first started this process dreaming about our future as a family; that slowed down after we realized that it wasn't the 6-8 month process of which we were told. We still talk about "her", but it is more about baby stuff than the actual baby now. This will be our 4th Christmas in this process with only a smaller bank account to show for it. I was holding it together just fine and looking forward to taking a week off work over Christmas when I took someone's advice from RQ and downloaded a song. It is called "Merry Christmas" by Third Day and while the poster said to get a box of tissues, I didn't heed the warning. All of my (apparently) pent-up emotions are now showing on my face. Ugh! Just in time for me to head into the office!
I made a conscious decision a couple of years back to live my life and just hope for the best with the adoption. We adopted a couple of dogs, started participating in our new community, threw ourselves into work, and updated our paperwork as necessary. We are so fortunate to be so close compared to those who are years behind us. We really are very close; obviously closer than we've ever been. I am definitely close to my breaking point though - referrals are due out any day and my fingers are crossed (as are Scout and Boo's!) that it is for more than 2 days like last month! It is completely out of my hands, but a girl can hope, can't she?
